Leadership Lessons from The Bear – Part 2: Why Grace is Amazing

The pressure-filled atmosphere of a workplace can be hard on friendships. Holding a friend to a standard without blame or guilt when they make a mistake, lose their temper, or overstep in a way that hurts—these are complicated waters to navigate. The stakes are real, whether you are in a do-or-die competition, the throes of a crisis, or even in the midst of the fast-moving dinner service in the noisy kitchen of a new restaurant.

One remedy is to show grace.

In “The Bear,” Chef Carmine tells his friend and chef de cuisine, Sydney, how two former colleagues used to signal ‘I’m sorry’ in the midst of kitchen chaos and commotion. Using American Sign Language (ASL), these chefs rubbed their hearts with a fist in a circular motion to acknowledge a mistake and silently say, “I’m sorry. Let’s talk about it later.”

Grace means forgiveness. It means understanding. It means showing empathy. Great colleagues both give and receive grace throughout their careers. As a leadership practice, showing grace conveys confidence in the person and their professionalism, knowing that they are much more than their most recent performance.

This simple signal—in the midst of a crisis or a breakdown in the making—is an invitation to acknowledge something we wish we could undo, and a request for grace.

I could have benefitted from this tip. It would have helped me recover from a sharp or sarcastic comment that I let fly before thinking. Receiving that signal from a work friend would have allowed me to let go of a hurtful comment said in the heat of the moment. Trusted work relationships are fueled by grace, knowing that a strong work friendship can withstand a moment’s miscommunication, a single misstep, or even a hurtful mistake.

Grace means you assume the best about a person’s actions. Grace assumes good intent. The conditions for grace may be varied, but when you know the person’s character as well as their moods, you are instinctively alerted to times when they may not be at their best.  

How can we make space for grace?

Most work friendships evolve over years. They can grow close during crises or other shared experiences, accelerating the level of contact and closeness, leading to moments of vulnerability. The ability to show vulnerability is eased by knowing it is accompanied by a good measure of grace.

I built strong friendships at work step by step, through thousands of ‘walk and talks,’ daily conversations about work that also covered life's little corners: interests, home, family, hopes and fears. Many colleagues turned into friends. I always had my ‘411s’ and my ‘911s’. The first being the folks with whom I traded information; the latter being those who would drop everything to talk me off a ledge. 

Colleagues who were reliable, acted with integrity, shared in my successes, and helped others were the easiest to meet with grace. It was harder to muster grace for those who weren’t true to their word or were overly focused on tasks, rather than the people doing them.

As leaders, grace given is often repaid with loyalty, connection, and team cohesion where you have each other’s backs. Colleagues are more likely to go the extra mile for a leader who offers grace. Following a particularly calamitous work episode, I will never forget how my boss began a post-mortem by asking “What did we learn?” He focused on fixing the problem and not the blame. That was some amazing grace. 

The moments you are on the receiving end of this gift are powerful and memorable. Can you recall a moment or leader who really exemplifies grace for you?